I have a friend in Poland, Wojtek Eichelberger. The last time I was in Poland, he told me how he brings people from alienated groups together, Israelis and Palestinians, for instance. He said it went wonderfully, after a little while they were one heart and soul and mind. I asked him: “How did you manage to do that?” He said: “Easy. I just did an exercise with them.”  Now I will do that exercise with you.  

Just close your eyes. Imagine what we could let go of something without losing anything essential. We let go of our language, for instance. Without it, and with another language instead, we still remain who we are. We are not lacking anything essential. 

Then we let go of the culture we belong to ‒ or our religion – or our successes – or failures – even our parents. Suddenly we have arrived at something quite essential and simple, our pure being-here. This alone is essential. Nothing can add anything to it; nothing can take away from it. It is our core identity. 

Then we look at another human being, but only at the core identity, the pure being-here. We meet from being-here to being-here. Nothing can come between us. In our being-here, in our core identity we are equally essential. Now imagine what changes when we meet people and they release their problems onto us and tell us all the things we should do for them, while we remain in our core identity and look at their core identity. Can you feel how everything changes?

We can also transfer that to our parents. We look at them, at their pure being – here, from our pure being – here. What changes?

We do the same with our partner and with other people with whom we are connected, and yet something seems to be in the way. We look at pure being – meet them from being – from here to being – here. How everything changes, much more at ease, more humble, and quite contained. What do we want to add to being – here?

We also look at our children, at their pure being – here. Are they not all wonderful, in their pure being – here?

Exercise: The releasing sentence 

I will do an exercise with you. Close your eyes and imagine a person with whom you associate, and where there is perhaps a block. You imagine this person in front of you, with all the other people this person is connected to in a special way. They all need something that gives them all a new perspective. Then you withdraw to an appropriate distance, at least 5 meters, perhaps even more. You remain equally turned to them all, without judgment or fear or intention, completely pure. You see everyone in their pure being – here, you as well, and you wait...

After a while: On some of your faces I could see that the essential for the resolution came to you. It is also freeing for the helpers when such a sentence comes.

“Ah”

helper: What do I do when no sentence is coming?

hellinger: Okay, just come and sit here next to me.

The helper sits next to Hellinger and closes his eyes. Hellinger puts his hand on the helper’s arm.

hellinger after a while: I am getting a word for you ‒ “Ah.”

The helper laughs out loud.

hellinger: Okay?

helper: Yes.